MonasMoments

I Wanted to Die I have received feedback both good and bad regarding my blog entries.   Some celebrate my transparency and some hate it.   In forty-three years of life one of the most important things I have learned is to be true to me.   I am not ashamed of where I have been or even what my current daily struggle is. It has taken much prayer to get me to a place of healing and during my journey I have encountered many hurting people who felt just as alone as I felt while going through my struggle.   This realization has made my decision to share much easier. So my prayer is that if you read my blog that it encourages you or that you share it with someone else who may be struggling in this life. I remember the day like it was yesterday.   My life was spiraling out of control.   I hadn’t felt these feelings since high school when I went to live with my Godmother because my home life just wasn’t right.   I felt unloved and worthless.   I remember going to spend the night over a

Have you ever truly feared for your life?   I’m not talking about in general. I’m talking about someone trying to kill you. I have.   For those of you reading this who are married, you know that marriage is not easy.   It is especially hard when your spouse is an abuser.   Who is an abuser?   In a relationship, an abuser is when someone exhibits a pattern of abusive and coercive behaviors used to maintain power and control over a former or current intimate partner. Abuse can be emotional, financial, sexual or physical and can include threats, isolation, and intimidation. I never thought that when I said, “I DO” I would be the victim of domestic violence.   I am an avid Lifetime movie watcher so I had seen stories about it and in my mind, I always thought there is no way that would ever be me.   However, not long after I got married I found myself fearing for my life on a regular basis.   While I won’t go into the detail of my abuse, I will tell you that it did some serious damag

Did you have a dream of what you wanted your life to look like by the time you were a certain age? I'm 43 and just today I realize I didn't. I really never had a role model to look up to in the area of relationships and because of this I am the product of many failed relationships. One would say that in every relationship I have had I have morphed into the man I have been in the relationship with trying to please him instead of being true to myself. Probably because it took me a while to know who I am.   Even at 43 I am still discovering things about myself. Every time I surrender just a little bit more to the Lordship of Christ I find myself knowing myself just a little bit better.   I relate this to a scene from Runaway Bride where Julia Roberts is leaving man after man at the altar. There is a scene where she is asked what kind of eggs does she like and she can't answer because she doesn't know so two different men answer with different answers. The reason why t