Why I Should Have Never Gotten Married

Did you have a dream of what you wanted your life to look like by the time you were a certain age? I'm 43 and just today I realize I didn't. I really never had a role model to look up to in the area of relationships and because of this I am the product of many failed relationships. One would say that in every relationship I have had I have morphed into the man I have been in the relationship with trying to please him instead of being true to myself. Probably because it took me a while to know who I am.  Even at 43 I am still discovering things about myself. Every time I surrender just a little bit more to the Lordship of Christ I find myself knowing myself just a little bit better. 

I relate this to a scene from Runaway Bride where Julia Roberts is leaving man after man at the altar. There is a scene where she is asked what kind of eggs does she like and she can't answer because she doesn't know so two different men answer with different answers. The reason why the answers where different is because when she was with them she liked and ate whatever kind of eggs they liked. 

In my life I have been much like this. I have liked whatever they liked, did whatever they asked and in the end found myself discontent because I was never true to myself.  This resulted in two divorces. While there was some error on the part of the men I was married to, I was also wrong. I probably should have never married them. One I married because it looked right in the eyes of all around and another because I wanted to get as far away from a man of the church as possible. 

Now that I look back I am grateful for the lessons learned because now I can teach my three daughters.   As a Christian I understand being equally yoked better. When you have a call on your life, your partner must understand it and know that God comes first and he is not going to ask if you were a good wife. He is going to ask if you completed HIS assignment. When you work on HIS assignment every thing else will fall into place. And I'm on Bible ground, Matthew 6:33.  I realize  that you must know yourself, your likes and dislikes. You must know yourself to understand you are not always right. You must go into a relationship knowing that there must be some compromise. Understand you are not going to like everything about your mate. You have to grow together. Too many couples are growing individually but not together. As you are planting, learn to keep the weeds out. This is not a one time process but an ongoing process.  You must pray for your mate and also be his or her biggest cheerleader.  Please don't stake your relationship on just the physical because bodies will change. And sex will change. If you met him young know that his drive ain't gone always be the same. And she will go through peaks and valleys too. You better find something else to hold on to. Also know that your mate (both male and female) will find other people attractive. Cultivate the type of relationship where they can talk to you about it. Better you than their friend or even that person. Hell, they got married. They didn't die or go blind. Give your partner room to be human and make mistakes. You are two imperfect people who formed a union and your are different. I don't care how much you have in common, you are not exactly alike. 

There are many other things I have learned and I plan to share them all with you. I didn't go through my struggles to keep it all to myself. My life motto is "If I can help somebody as I travel along, then my living shall not be in vain."